


Crimson tears

by irlhawke



Category: Zero | Project Zero | Fatal Frame Series
Genre: Gen, tachibana family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-29
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 20:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlhawke/pseuds/irlhawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I would never have wished for another life than the one I've had with you...” he whispered back, Itsuki's hot tears hitting their joined fingers. “...I have no regrets... nothing except that I wanted to spend more time with you... Itsuki...”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crimson tears

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this 2009-09-26 for my classmate who never read it in the end. I wish she had but instead I am posting it here, for you guys. There might be some errors and for that I'm sorry but I cried through out writing this entire thing and well.. I think that speaks for itself. 
> 
> While writing I listened to 30 minutes, by tatu. Just for the record.

As the sun was setting, the flowers slowly closed themselves for nightfall, leaving the damp grass cold and colorless against his feet, making the boy shiver as he slowly made his way through the evening air. A soft wind swept through the landscape, ruffling his hair, making him stop to close his eyes when met by the smell of food and soap. As he re-opened them, his dark-blue orbs glistened in the red light from the quickly settling sun.

'What is your rush..?' the boy though, his arms filling with goosebumps, his breath puffing out like little clouds, making him smile. "You don't need to rush..." he whispered, lifting his hand as if wanting to touch those tender beams of red light. "...if you rush, tomorrow will only come sooner..."

"Mutsuki!" A voice, much similar to his own, called through the evening mist, tightly followed by the shape of his brother walking through the dark towards him. "What are you doing in a place like this? I've been looking for you for hours! You really shouldn't..."

"Itsuki..." he interrupted his brother quietly, smiling that melancholy smile of his, looking towards the sun once more, it's beautiful light reflecting in his calm eyes. "...will you sit with me..?"

"Mutsuki..."

"So..?" Mutsuki smiled as the sun had set before them, tilting his head to the side to look at his twin. "...she refused to eat unless I joined you?"

"Yeah..." Itsuki answered, still looking out over the field, now bathing in twilight mist. "...she wants both her big brothers there... not only me all the time, Mutsuki..." His words made Mutsuki turn his head away, his eyes falling over towards the lights of the houses while sighing.

"She is too young to understand..." he mumbled, not even knowing himself whether he wanted his twin to hear him or not.

"All the more reason to comfort her when she cries..!" Itsuki responded, his voice filled with concern. "her eyesight is getting worse you know, she is scared... she needs us to care, especially since mother and father doesn't..." But his voice died away into the darkness, his gaze falling to the ground, watching a flower which still held her beautiful colors open.

The night around them was settling slowly, the wind, who had been so kind just moments ago, now made them both shiver with cold. Mutsuki could not find his words for this moment, neither could Itsuki, only feeling each others presence they sat there, looking out over the never ending world in silence, just the two of them...

"Can't we just stay like this... forever..?" Mutsuki eventually whispered, his body shivering, leaning against Itsuki's shoulder while closing his eyes, his cold hand searching for his brother's, gripping its warmth gently as if to cling to the moment, cling to him.

"Are you cold..?" his twin asked, knowing Mutsuki was not even hoping for him to answer the question he had asked him, feeling the pressure over his heart... like those cold fingertips gripping his hand.

"No, I'm fine..."

"Mutsuki, you went to see Sae... didn't you..?"

"Yeah..."

The silence once more fell between them, no words needed for them to know, know what the other was thinking, know how much the other was hurting, know all fear and sadness in the others heart. Itsuki's warm fingers softly wrapped themselves in between his brother's, as if trying to transfer his warmth, trying to comfort and heal the broken sole of the person closest to him.

"Mutsuki..." he sighed as the weight of the world seemed to crash down on them right there, right then in the misty field. "I'll never leave you..."

"I know..."

Itsuki felt his brother grasp his hand tighter as his heart throbbed painfully in his chest. Mutsuki had always been the weak one and even though born second, Itsuki had always felt like being his big brother, always taking care of him... Mutsuki was weak in everyone's eyes, the weak link in the family, the one that was worth practically nothing. Mutsuki had always fallen behind in training and school, always had bad health. But now, feeling his cold but yet so strong hand in his own, Itsuki could not help but thinking. 'He is the strongest person I know... no one else would have been able to endure the pain and suffering he has been through... If we only weren't...'

"Itsuki..." his brother suddenly said, his eyes still closed but his hand still pressing their fingers together. "let's just stop this..."

"What do you mean..?" Itsuki almost whispered, feeling his entire being suffer from those words. 'stop..?' he thought while looking down at his twin. 'since when did Mutsuki..?'

"...why don't we stop trying to fight it..? his brother continued as an answer, his dark orbs opening, reflecting the last of the crimson sunlight. "If we don't go through with the ceremony... everyone will..."

"No, Mutsuki..! Don't give up, don't think about them... I said I'll never leave you, the others doesn't matter...!" Itsuki tried but Mutsuki only shook his head slowly, a gentle smile on his lips.

"If we don't go through with it, everyone else will die... Itsuki" he said, his fingers grasping tightly around his brother's hand, the only way of showing his twin how truly scared he was. "even our little sister... even Chitose will..."

"Mutsuki! Please don't say that...!"

"But, Itsuki, you know it is true..." Mutsuki responded, his obsidian locks falling into his eyes. "Because of us, they will die, Chitose as well..."

"I won't do it..!" Itsuki fought out in desperation. "...if I do, I will die with you as well... don't you see? I can't..."

"Itsuki, if you don't... if we don't... everyone will..."

"Don't say it again! No one will die!" he sighed desperately, even though knowing perfectly well that it could never be like that in this village. "we don't have to be the ones... we don't have to be parted, I will never leave you... and we are boys! There are other twins..!"

"Yeah, there are..." Mutsuki sounding as if the life was being drained from him with every word he spoke. "Yae and Sae Kurosawa... if we're not the ones... they will be..."

"Mutsuki... please..."

"No, Itsuki listen..." the fragile one sighed, his chest hurting but his eyes for the first time really searching for Itsuki's gaze, locking their visions together deeply. "I am already to weak to leave here, you know that... please, those girls... we can not let their lives be thrown away because of our own foolish wish for existence..."

"Mutsuki..."

"...I'm not scared, brother..." Mutsuki almost smiled, his hand pressing Itsuki's fingers even harder as Itsuki could feel his eyes sting with grief. "...you have to promise me, no matter what happens... protect those girls, don't ever let this happen to them, please promise me..."

"Mutsuki...I.."

"Please, Itsuki, you have to do this for me..." that strong but yet so fragile voice whispered, Itsuki's eyes so filled with tears you could have drowned in them. Mutsuki's eyes did not look away, his voice did not even tremble. There was no hesitation in his manner now, his mind was made up."...do this for me, promise me..."

"...I promise..."

"Itsuki! Mutsuki!" the harsh voice of their mother called, making them both stop in the hall, their damp clothes cold, sticking to their skin, Mutsuki with his gaze lowered to the floor, Itsuki still holding his brother's hand, his eyes watching their reflections in the big mirror on the opposite wall. They were so similar, yet so entirely different... Mutsuki was kind and gentle in everything he did, but everyone saw him being cold and unemotional to everyone around him. Itsuki himself was like that too, but to everyone else, he was the only one who mattered... He knew, he was the one who would survive in the end, that he was the one who had to carry the burden of taking someone else's life, but... Mutsuki... He gently tightened his grip around those still cold fingers, feeling as if he did not hold onto him now, they would slip apart, they would die.

"Brother!" came a loud squeal and a red lightning-bolt came flying straight at them, hitting Itsuki in the guts, forcing him to let go of Mutsuki's hand not to fall flat on his back, instead bouncing straight into the door behind them. "Where have you been for so long! Don't scare Chitose like that!" the girl cried and buried her sweet face into his yukata. Itsuki smiled gently at his little sisters innocent behavior and softly stroke her hair with the palm of his hand.

"I'm sorry, Chitose" he said and she looked up with tears glistening in her dark orbs. "but I found Mutsuki, so there is nothing to worry about..."

"I'll be in our room..." Mutsuki announced, his voice not more than a whisper though strong enough for both Itsuki and Chitose to hear. Itsuki could still feel the warmth from where their hands had been joined together only moments ago, even though he could not let this happen, he just stood there, watching his twin brother leave them.

"Brother?" their little sister asked, once again innocently, running after Mutsuki and grabbing the side of his white yukata with her small hands. "Brother, aren't you going to eat dinner with us? Brother is not well, right? Brother should eat and rest properly... right?"

Itsuki could see that those bright, smiling eyes affected his twin more than the boy would ever admit... There was something about that girl that just made you want to hold and comfort her until the end of the world. Itsuki knew that Mutsuki felt it too, and somehow he understood... how painful it must be to know that if your little sister cares too much about you, she will cry endlessly after you are dead... tears that you cannot dry, sobs that you can not hug away, just echoes of your passed life, imprinted in her desperate cries for you.

"I'm fine, Chitose..." Mutsuki sighed while turning to her, surprising Itsuki by smiling the most gentle smile he had ever seen in his brother's face. The little girl bit her lip, somehow also feeling the difference in her big brother's appearance and behavior. He keeled by her side, softly letting his fingertip touch her little nose. "...brother is just not hungry tonight, but I promise to come in and tell you good night later, okay?"

The brightest smile now spread across their little sister's damp cheeks, giving her glow that was rare to find even in the happiest of children. Mutsuki hardly ever told her good night, he hardly ever spoke to any one these days, kept to himself... not wanting any one to have to feel grief for him after the ceremony, doing everything in his power to cut of all bonds before it was to late, leaving full of regrets but... knowing that no one would cry over him seemed to be his only goal, up until now at least.

"You really promise you'll come and tell me goodnight?" Chitose giggled and rubbed the tip of her nose with the back of her hand. As Mutsuki nodded she smiled even more and stuck her tongue out. "Then, I'll see you later!"

"Yeah... go eat like a good girl now, Chitose..."

"Yes!"

As both brother's watched their younger sister run of, Itsuki felt his stomach turning to ice. Mutsuki straightened his back and stood up, his gracious movements also different from Itsuki's... how would he ever be able to live without him..? They were so different and yet so desperately in need fro each other, in the daylight or in the twilight, it didn't matter... If Mutsuki ran of somewhere, Itsuki could feel him disappearing slowly out of his life, if they stayed apart, Mutsuki would come searching for him as a moth finds its way into the light...

"Mutsuki..." he sighed, in need to be close to the most important person in his life, knowing; they were already out of time.

"I'm okay, Itsuki..." his twin said with his low, comfortably soft voice, meeting his eyes again. "I am just tired, so let me rest... tomorrow will not take longer if I eat, no matter what we do... tomorrow will always come..."

"Can I come rest with you..?" was the only thing Itsuki felt he could say without insulting his brother, his best friend, for his courage. The other one nodded softly after hesitating a little, then they both made their way down the long corridor, Itsuki happy that their mother was to busy to even care whether they ate or not. They were lucky she had not even came out into the hall after she had called for them. In slight fear of her coming after them, Itsuki gripped his brother's hand once more, immediately frightened of how cold he was but not even leaving a comment, pushing the sliding-door to their room opened when they finally reached it.

"Mutsuki, are you okay?" he then asked as they were safe inside the gloomy room, Mutsuki lightening a lamp which only gave the room a ghostly glow. The boy by the lamp only nodded this time and slowly seated himself at the side of his futon, his fingers trembling in his hands.

"Was that really... such a good thing to do..?" he asked in a slight mumble and Itsuki saw straight through his thoughts and fears once again, sinking down beside his brother, wrapping a warming arm around his trembling back.

"Yeah it was..." he whispered in a comforting tone, his twin once more leaning in against his shoulder, stealing all the warmth he could get. "...even though she might cry for you, don't you think that her memories of you will be more lovely if she gets to see that smiling face of yours more often..?"

Mutsuki remained quiet after this, his breathing becoming slower as if falling asleep softly against the warmth of Itsuki's body. Itsuki just sat there in the dim room, his heart beating so painfully inside his chest that he thought it might burst at any moment, feeling his brother's gently moving ribcage against his side, knowing that the night after this one... he would never again feel this feeling of warmth against his own body heat, never again would they sit like this...

"If only we had not been born twins..." he heard his own voice whisper, the feeling of a soft tear trickling down his cheek, Mutsuki gripping his hand hard by those harsh words.

"I would never have wished for another life than the one I've had with you..." he whispered back, Itsuki's hot tears hitting their joined fingers. "...I have no regrets... nothing except that I wanted to spend more time with you... Itsuki..."

"I never wanted this..." Itsuki said while trying not to let his voice sob, squeezing his twin brother's hand harder for maybe the last time. "...why can't we just run..? Get out of this town... never look back, never ever set foot here again? Ryozo would help us... Mutsuki, I don't ever want to..."

"Itsuki, I told you already" His brother softly interrupted and even though his voice was calm and steady, he gripped Itsuki's hand even harder back, not at all minding the pain it was causing his fingers. "I am already to weak... and you promised me..."

"That doesn't matter to me! I don't mind if you hate me for ever for breaking a promise like that, as long as you are alive by my side..." Itsuki tried but there was no way of making Mutsuki change his mind when he had put his determination to something. He looked up at his twin, their dark-blue, almost black eyes meeting for a intense second before he looked away again, leaving Itsuki staring at him.

"I could not have had a better twin brother than you, Itsuki..." he said in his soft voice as he watched the flickering shadows of the room. "...I know you will never leave me and I know that no matter what happens, you'll never break your promise to me..."

"Mutsuki..."

The silence fell, as it often did between them, after all, none of the two boys were really good at keeping a conversation alive, but when they were alone, that didn't really matter. Most siblings would probably fight and argue, compete with each other in different ways and always try to stay away from each other just to be able to have one candy-bar in peace. Being a twin was like that too, but you were faced with even more troubles concerning your own status and what you accomplish... one of you would always be the good one and the other automatically became the bad one. You could never change that... And even though your fights where just the same as with all other siblings', in times like this, having a twin was the only thing Itsuki could ever have wished for...

"I have faith in you..."

When the house had finally fallen into silence and the soft sound of the dripping rain was the only sound to be heard, Itsuki looked up at the clock, his stomach turning as he saw the late hour. What was the reason their mother had not even come into their room to tell them goodnight, he could not help himself to think. Did she really not care about them, or was she to upset to even show her son, one last time, that she loved him..? Or maybe she never did... He sighed and felt those slow breaths against his shoulder, his sleeping twin still leaning against him, their hands joined just like before, but the grip so weak it scared him. He would never let go of this hand, never let him down, no matter what, he would never break the promise his brother would give his life to fulfill...

"Mutsuki..?" he whispered softly as he brushed his brother's raven bang out of his forehead, smiling gently at the other one's innocently sleeping face. "...didn't you promise Chitose you'd wish her good night?"

His brother grunted softly as he opened his eyes, blinking at the dim light still glowing in the room, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand just like he always did when woken up. Itsuki could not help smiling, he wold miss it, miss this so much it already hurt... miss waking him up in the morning, seeing his irritated expression, miss the sight of him spilling his tea at breakfast or brushing his teeth with that tired face of his, rubbing his eyes and getting toothpick all over his face, his warm hands on cold mornings when going to school, his gentle smile as Chitose jumped around them, the smile he gave when standing out in the middle of the field poking the flowers, his happiness when being with those girls, the way Mutsuki understood him without even having to ask or speak, even miss his face when he was mad... miss everything that was Mutsuki... miss the things only he did, that no one could replace...

"...she is probably asleep already..." Mutsuki eventually answered, not meeting Itsuki's gaze, them both knowing that was just a dumb excuse.

"Even so..." Itsuki responded, shifting his body so that his brother was suddenly very uncomfortable, gripping his hand a little once more. "...if you don't go to her, you will break the promise you made..."

"You know exactly what buttons to push to make me, don't you?" Mutsuki sighed, and shook his painfully throbbing head. Itsuki stood up even though his legs did not want to carry him, pulling his twin up with him, they both standing in the middle of the room, not moving towards the door, only watching it. The moment lingered, their fingers only touching the slightest, the clock still ticking on the wall, their hearts still pounding along side each other, still breathing, still beating, still living...

"We are twins after all..." Itsuki answered calmly, his world crashing down inside his chest, making it harder and harder for him to breath.

"Always..."

"...we do everything together..."

"...always..."

Their hands joined once more, fingertips shaking as Mutsuki reached for the door and pushed it open, revealing the dark hallway. Itsuki felt shivers run down his spine as he gripped his brother's warm hand harder again. He had never liked this house after nightfall... but Mutsuki had always been there by his side, always...

"Don't worry..." that soft voice whispered and Itsuki looked up at his twin, Mutsuki smiling the softest smile he had, holding his hand tightly. "I'm right here, you're not alone..."

"But..."

"I'm still here, Itsuki... so don't you be scared, when it's dark, I'll always be right here beside you..."

Those warm fingers were the only thing keeping Itsuki on his feet, that soft smile made him follow his brother even though the darkness of the hallway made him want to hide. As they made their way through the house, Mutsuki kept looking back at him once in a while, sending him that encouraging smile every time, pressing his hand tighter, all the way until they reached their baby sister's room.

"Chitose..?" Mutsuki whispered as he softly pushed the sliding door open, peering into the darkness of the room, still holding a soft grip on Itsuki's hand, both brother's standing side by side. "Are you asleep..?"

There was no sound other than the softness of her breath and for a moment, Mutsuki looked back at Itsuki as if to say "she is asleep, lets just go back to our room" but with only one eye, he changed his mind, seeing how serious Itsuki was about this. With soft, slow steps he entered the room, closely followed by Itsuki, hands still joined, trying not to step on anything that could make a sound, and especially trying to avoid stepping on their sister.

"Nn..." came her soft sound as both brothers keeled by her futon, Mutsuki reaching out as if to tough her soft cheek but hesitating, Itsuki feeling his stomach turn once more as he immediately understood what was going on in his brother's mind. He was scared, scared that she would cry for him, scared that she would miss him, scared that if he touched that gentle face of hers he would be trapped and not be able to do what he had to do in order for her and everyone else to survive... Itsuki could not cry... he needed to be strong now, even though he was so sad he could die, he would not cry, for Mutsuki's sake...

"Itsuki, I can't..." he began but Itsuki only smiled and leaned softly against his brother's shoulder.

"Yes you can..." he whispered and closed his eyes for a moment. "...you've done it before, you can do it again... be the brother that she needs you to be..."

"Her brother..?"

"Our brother..."

The girl's eyelids twitched softly as Mutsuki's fingertips touched her pale cheekbone, squeezing his brother's hand at the same time, as if afraid that he'd fall if he let go. Itsuki smiled at this and pressed those warm fingers back. Mutsuki had always been warm, always putting others ahead of himself yes but, warmblooded as well. His hands could always warm yours when you were shivering from a snowstorm, or as now, when Mutsuki held his hand, Itsuki was safe.

"Brother...?" Chitose's gentle, sleepy voice whispered and Mutsuki's hand twitched back as if scared he'd make her cry from just touching her, but Itsuki smiled wider, taking her hand softly in his.

"Yeah..." he whispered back, leaning forward a little so that she could feel him against her. "We're here... both of us..."

"Mutsuki as well..?" the little girl almost whined and Mutsuki's courage returned to him, his fingertips touching the tip of her nose, just as he always used to do, making a soft smile spread across her face.

"I'm here, I promised..." he then answered and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, his eyes closed but Itsuki still felt his warm hand gripping his own, painfully hard now. There was sadness in his expression and even though Chitose could not see them well in the darkness, she somehow seemed to feel it. "...I promised to wish you good night, Chitose..."

"...can you tell me a story, brother..?" she said with her soft voice, her forehead wrinkled and Itsuki could not stand it any more. Mutsuki had never been as much of a brother has he had, his twin being scared that their sister would suffer because of it, but now... seeing Mutsuki's pained smile, hearing him tell the story about the little princess in the enchanted village made his heart skip a beat, his breath hitch and his hand immediately let go of the other's warmth.

"I'll go to the bathroom..." he whispered before leaving the room, not even waiting for a response from either his brother or sister, stumbling through the darkness out the door, his heart pumping violently, his fingers shaking.

As he reached the end of the corridor, right before making it to the bathroom, he bumped into the wall, his forehead against the cold surface, the palms of his hands resting against it as well, his back turned to the crawling darkness as the shadows grew longer around him. His chest hurt so much no air reached his lungs, his eyes filled with tears that would not fall. He stood there, not knowing how much time had passed, not knowing if he was breathing or dying, if he was crying or if the tears had never come. The time passed by as if though it had no value... but in truth, these seconds and minutes he spent apart from Mutsuki, would never come back... he would never be able to make up for these lost minutes, never be able to get this time back and spend it with his twin...

"Why...?" he whispered through his desperate tries to breath, coughing from his shock. "...Why my brother..? Why us...? I can't... could never..." He shook his head as the hot liquid burned his cheeks, suffocating his cries with his hand not to wake his parents up, not to cause more trouble, not to let his brother hear him. He needed to be calm, he didn't want to show this side, not now, when Mutsuki did everything to prevent everyone from crying over him. But... "...how can I be strong in a moment like this..? How can I... how can I not cry for him..?"

"If it's you, then it's okay to cry..." Mutsuki's soft voice whispered behind him and Itsuki thought his world would stop at the same moment as his heart. "If it's Itsuki..." But his brother's voice broke of, his warm hand gripping the side of Itsuki's yukata with trembling fingers, Itsuki's tears hitting the floor as his hand left his mouth and fell to his side.

"Brother..." his trembling voice whispered back.

"Let's stay like this... just a little while longer..." Mutsuki answered, his breathing uneven with tears, his fingertips gripping the white fabric harder, making sure Itsuki did not turn to look at him. "...just... like this..."

The sun was setting, the flowers slowly closed themselves for nightfall as they did every evening in the little village on the mountain side, the grass was damp with small drops of water, cold against his feet and he shivered, his steps so slow he did not even seem to be moving through the evening air. A soft wind swept through the landscape, ruffling his hair, making him stop to close his eyes but no familiar smells met him, the city was quiet and the air was still... As he re-opened his eyes, his dark-blue orbs glistened in the red light from the setting sun...

He watched the beautiful rainbow of crimson colors falling over the meadow, his eyes blank, emotionless, not saying a word to that beautiful sun, his fingers shaking as he raced them to his face, covering his left eye with his palm while looking at the other one.

"Mutsuki..."

But there was no answer. The field was empty and cold even though bathing in the warmest of light. The flowers were already closing up but even though you could still see their beautiful colors, they all seemed gray, lifeless, empty... He did not know how long he had been standing there, if he was still breathing or if it all had stopped, if his heart was beating, if his world had already vanished... If it was death or life he felt, eating at his heart like poison...

"Itsuki..." a soft voice spoke from somewhere behind him and the white haired boy looked up again, but not at the person but out over the field, his trembling fingers gripping each other, facing the velvet sky, the crimson sunlight reflecting in his orbs. "You should be heading home, you'll get sick..."

Itsuki did not answer his friend and Ryozo sighed, watching the sky together with him in silence. The soft wind was warm this night, not at all harsh, its calmness ruffling their hair in piece, Itsuki feeling his entire being collapse and yet he remained standing. His chest was heavy, it did not matter if he stopped breathing, his heart was pounding, he could feel it now, how it was breaking into peaces, along with his pounding hands... with these hands he had... he had...

"My hands hurt..."

"...Itsuki..."

The tears came falling down his cheeks without him being able to stop them, hitting the back of his hands without sounds, dripping from his trembling skin, his knees finally giving into the pressure of his body, letting him sink down to kneel in the cold grass.

"Itsuki..!" his friend called in worry but Itsuki only watched the sky, the waterfalls from his eyes reflecting the redness of the sunlight, his crimson tears dripping slowly, his lips shaking even though a slight smile tugged at the side of his mouth.

"I promised I'd stay by your side forever..." he whispered, his voice steady no matter how much he was shaking, more tears falling, gently. "...I told you I'd never let you die alone... I promised you..."

"Come, Itsuki... I'll take you home..."

"...but you made me break that promise to you..." he continued and now, his voice was shaking so bad he could not even hide it, his fingers gripping each other even tighter, his blue eyes shifting in red as his face turned away from the blaming sun, looking down at his trembling hands, taking them apart, looking at his palms. "...and by doing so... you made me promise to kill you... and I did... I did... and you'll never come back to me..."

"Itsu-..."

"...I can't go home... because what will I tell Chitose..? because you're right... she is to young to understand... that she lost her big brother tonight... maybe... she even lost both of us..."

The door closed behind his back, the cold of the night shut out by the solid wood, letting the sound of total emptiness to crash down upon him where he now stood in the empty hallway, the house almost as cold and dark as the corridors of the cellar underneath his feet... The silence was so thick it made his ears bleed with pain and an unawareness that would have driven any mortal man insane. It was so quiet, so lonely... his mind was going blank and yet there was such a large piece of his heart missing that he could not ignore the tormenting pain surging through his body.

"...what have I done to you..?" he whispered into the darkness of the house, almost expecting an answer even though that voice would never sound between these walls again, even though that person was gone, though he knew, no matter how hard he listened he would never hear that sweet laughter, those soft words...

He took some steps, his knees shaking even more than earlier, his tired body aching, the palms of his hands pounding with pain still. His breath did not slow down either as he reached the first sliding door, stopping again. What was the point in walking further when he knew that only emptiness would meet him upon reaching their room... no, his room... it was only his room now. The room that they had always shared would be empty, every time he got home, every time he came back from dinner... it would always be empty.

Itsuki could remember from when they were small, Chitose had just been born and he had complained to their mother about how he wanted a room for himself, not wanting to share it with his siblings any more. He had been crying with irritation even, not knowing Mutsuki was at the door, hearing every harsh word he said in the heat of the moment.

"Itsuki..." he had said after that, his head lowered to the floor of their shared bedroom as his tears had slowly rolled down his flushed cheeks. "...if you really want a room for your self, I can always sleep somewhere else..."

Itsuki had not realized, that by wanting a room for himself he was going to be separated from his brother even more, by saying he did not want to share his nights with Mutsuki, he was pushing him away with his bare hands.

"Mutsuki..." he remembered himself saying as he had seated himself next to his fragile brother. "...I'll never leave you, I'll always sleep next to you... don't be stupid..."

"...but you just said that-..."

"...I was just angry with mother, please don't hate me for being like this sometimes..."

"I could never hate you, Itsuki... you idiot..."

"...then stop believing every stupid word coming out of my mouth..."

"Then, can I believe that you will always be by my side..?"

"Yeah... cause that is a promise I'd never allow my self to break..."

The door slid open with a soft hiss as if it was sighing from the relief of finally being opened. There was a empty feel reaching him, making his willpower to enter fade to nothingness, his pounding hand reaching for his damp yukata, gripping his chest. If there was only and echo, the slightest whisper, the softest touch of a hand he would be fine... if there was at least something left. "I'm still here, Itsuki... so don't you be scared, when it's dark, I'll always be right here beside you..." Mutsuki's words echoed in his mind, but not in reality, freezing his heart, breaking it to peaces as he watched the darkness before him.

"No..." Itsuki breathed out, hot liquid escaping from his dark orbs, his free hand gripping the post of the door not to let his knees buckle. "...why did you make me..? Why did we promise... when you knew... when you knew from the beginning you'd be the one to leave..?"

But there was no sound, not even a whisper from the wooden house was heard, his tears falling in silence, rolling down his cheeks, hitting the floor just like the night before, but still so different.

"Then, can I believe that you will always be by my side..?"

"...you're not here... you're not holding my hand... because of me... you're not breathing any more..."

"Can't we just stay like this... forever...?"

"Even saying that... knowing that the time we had was never going to be enough..."

"..sit with me..."

"...you made me promise..."

"I love you silly..."

"...you were always holding my hand even... even though you knew... they'd kill you..."

"I have faith in you..."

"Mutsuki... my hands hurt..."

"Itsuki, we'll always be together..."

"Always..." he answered the whispers of his memories, reaching out to touch the white fabric of the futon on the floor, his fingertips trembling as the touched the pillow where Mutsuki had slept only hours earlier. "...without you..."

"No matter what happens... Itsuki... protect those girls..."  
"But I wanted to protect you... you..! No one else..!" he cried as his knees gave in to his trembling body, his torso shaking as he winded his arms around the pillow, burying his face into its soft fabric, closing his burning eyes hard against it. "when you're gone... without you... I'll die..."

"We're always together... even when you cry... I'll always wipe your tears away..."

"..I'm sorry.."

"No matter what you do, I'll always forgive you.."

"..I'm scared..."

"The dark is not so bad, hold my hand... let me be the big brother once in a while..."

"...It's dark... I'm scared... please don't leave..."

But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he whispered those words, Mutsuki would never answer. The frightening silence was eating him, making his skin tingle with fear as he lay there, to tired to move, to scared to even breath. It was cold, too cold... there was something missing... something that had always been there.

"Brother..." came the softest voice from the door and Itsuki's eyes popped open immediately, his heart breaking instantly as he knew who it was. "...I'm scared..."

Itsuki sat up, the pillow falling from his hands, his eyes turning to his little sister, their little sister. She was so small, so innocently pure. How could she ever understand why this house was so quiet, when would she ever realize that her big brother was never coming back..? He softly reached his hand out to her, touching her warm fingertips to show her where to go, taking her in his arms, holding her tight, not saying a word...

"Brother..?" she whispered while softly twirling his white locks around her small fingers. "..where it Mutsuki..?"

The silence fell between them... Chitose closed her eyes and Itsuki felt his tears fall from his cheeks, hitting the red fabric of her kimono, making the color turn red as blood in the now dim morning light shining in through the covered window.

"...you don't have to be sacred any more..." he whispered, his voice not even sounding like his own any more, his mind distant, watching the pillow lying on the floor, motionless and cold. "...I'm still here, always..."

"...will Mutsuki come back..?"

Itsuki had no answer and he did not speak, he just held her close, wishing from the bottom of his heart that he would never have to tell her... wishing that they both would wake up to find their brother soundly asleep next to them, but knowing... that wishes only comes true in fairy tales... knowing that no matter how many times she held his hands, the feeling would never go away... that feeling of his warmth slowly disappearing...

As the girl had fallen asleep, Itsuki could feel her heartbeat against his own, fluttering like a little bird in her chest. She was warm, breathing, alive... He looked up at the clock on the wall, it had stopped and a soft smile spread across his face, his damp cheeks burning as yet another tear left his blue eyes, remembering those sweet words... "...can't we just stay like this... forever..."

"You never left... did you... brother..?"


End file.
